So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My ATM looks so different sober.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
