If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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