Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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