he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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