Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
