He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
