Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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