i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
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He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Panties = found
You don't make any sense
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