you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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