i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
