Are we in a gay sports bar?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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