He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize