these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
