is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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