yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
