there was a trapeze. enough said
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
