New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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