that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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