Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
