I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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