Just fell off a train. Bad.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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