I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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