I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
