It's Friday. Sex?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
