I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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