She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
