like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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