The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
