the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Michael Bay diarrhea
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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