Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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