ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
