The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
