Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
