put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
