I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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