id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
