I CAN MOONWALK!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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