i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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