My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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