Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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