We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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