i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
