apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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