I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
