So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
