What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you traded sex for a burrito?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
