Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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