Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
