I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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