I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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