thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
