You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
