omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i dont even know how to be here
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize