Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
someone owes me an orgasm
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
