made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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