do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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