Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
