Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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