There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize