so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
