apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize