just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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