oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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