You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
